Starting School and Downtime: Why Children Need Time to Do Nothing

So, October has nearly passed and our little people have ventured off to big school in our lovely rural Derbyshire. Starting school can certainly be a minefield for them, and for us too. The move from pre-school and nursery to a classroom is tough. We all hope the transition days and little bits of school time they had before September will be enough to guide them through this next big phase of their lives, but in reality sometimes it just isn’t enough.

I think we’ve all been there. Some morning drop-offs go so smoothly that the kids run in and don’t even look back… and other mornings are vastly different.

The clinginess, the emotions and sometimes the tantrums at the gate can be another level. They’re slowly realising that “big school” isn’t just a temporary thing.

Little questions like “Is it school again today?” or “Can I go to nursery instead to see my friends?” make it all too real, and it dawns on you that this is now their life for the next 14 years!

We need to do everything we can as parents to help them navigate this overload of feelings. Their days are suddenly filled with new people, new routines, new rules, new sounds, new expectations and so much to process. They’re learning, listening, concentrating, navigating friendships, managing emotions and constantly taking in information.

Even when they’ve had a wonderful day, that’s a lot for a little person.

So, after a busy day at school, one of the loveliest things we can give our children is something incredibly simple: nothing.

No screens. No rushing off to the next activity in Ashbourne, Burton or Uttoxeter. No endless questions about their day. No pressure to be productive. Just time to come home, take a breath and be themselves.

Let them come back down to earth

Sometimes we forget just how stimulating modern childhood can be. A child can go from a busy classroom to a noisy playground, to the journey home, and then straight into television, tablets, phones, games, activities and more instructions. Then we expect them to be little angels, fall asleep and stay in bed all night. No wonder bedtimes can feel like such a struggle sometimes.

There can be very little space between all of these very real stimulants. But children really do need moments where there’s nothing they have to achieve, and no expectations on them.

• They might lie on the sofa with a teddy.
• They might stare out of the window.
• They may build something with blocks.
• They could draw without knowing what they’re drawing.
• They could wander around the garden looking for bugs.
• They might like to cuddle up with you and listen to a story.

Or they might simply do absolutely nothing. And that’s absolutely OK! In fact, it’s more than OK.

The importance of unstructured time

Children don’t need every minute of their afternoon filled with an activity, and you don’t have to rush off to an after-school club every day. Unstructured time gives them the chance to follow their own curiosity and decide what they need in that moment.

Perhaps they need to run. Perhaps they need to be quiet. Maybe they want to build a huge den out of blankets, or sit beside you and say nothing at all. When there isn’t an adult directing the next activity, children get to practise something incredibly valuable: being comfortable in their own company. They can explore their imagination, process their experiences and simply enjoy being a child.

Screens can wait

Screens aren’t inherently bad, and there’s certainly a place for them in family life. But after a day already full of stimulation, a little screen-free breathing space can be a beautiful way to help children reconnect with the real world, and with you!

For me as an adult, when I’ve had a tiring, hard or overstimulating day, all I want is a cuddle with someone close to me and to sit quietly. Maybe just PJs and a book. It’s the simple things that quieten your mind and bring you back to normal life. Your kids may find the same in a few little things: grass beneath their feet, the sound of birds, the smell of dinner cooking, a warm bath, a cuddle.

These ordinary little moments can be grounding. They remind children that life doesn’t always have to be fast, colourful, entertaining or stimulating. Sometimes it can be wonderfully, beautifully boring!

And boredom isn’t something we always need to rescue children from. Don’t let the inevitable “I’m borrrrred” fill you with dread… it can be the beginning of imagination!

They don’t always need to talk about their day

We often greet children with “How was school?” And when they reply “I don’t know” or “Fine”, we might ask another five questions. But perhaps they don’t want to talk yet. They’ve spent all day listening, answering questions, communicating and navigating the social world. They might just need a little silence.

Instead, we can simply say, “I’m so happy to see you.” Or, “You’ve had a big day. Shall we have a little rest?”

When they feel safe and relaxed, the stories about their day often come naturally. Perhaps over tea, in the bath, or at bedtime. We don’t have to force the conversation.

Coming home should feel different from school

School is where children are learning to follow routines, listen, concentrate, take turns and manage expectations. Home can be the place where they take all of that off for a little while and just be themselves.

• They can be silly.
• They can be quiet.
• They can get muddy.
• They can wear their pyjamas at an entirely inappropriate time.
• They can make a ridiculous drawing.
• They can curl up under a blanket.
• They can be loud.
• They can be themselves.

Create a gentle transition

You don’t need a complicated routine. Perhaps after school you come home, take your shoes off, have a snack and spend 20 minutes simply being together.

• They can be silly.
• They can be quiet.
• They can get muddy.
• They can wear their pyjamas at an entirely inappropriate time.
• They can make a ridiculous drawing.
• They can curl up under a blanket.
• They can be loud.
• They can be themselves.

The important thing isn’t what they do. It’s that there’s space. Space to breathe, to process, to play, to imagine, to feel. Space to simply be, without being asked to do anything.

Local support for little minds

As a mum of three boys, I know the after-school door-slam well: coats flung on the floor, a meltdown over the wrong snack, and all of the day’s feelings arriving at once. And as a family photographer, I spend my days helping little ones feel calm and safe enough to be themselves in front of the camera. So I’m always interested in the people helping children manage big emotions.

That’s why I wanted to share two brilliant local businesses doing exactly that, right here on our Staffordshire and Derbyshire doorstep. I’m a huge believer in small businesses supporting each other, and if you’re looking for ways to help your child unwind, build confidence or simply breathe a bit easier after a busy school day, these are the people I’d point you towards.

Relax Kids

Relax Kids was founded by Marneta Viegas in 2000 as the UK’s first mindfulness and relaxation business for children. It now has more than 5,000 trained coaches in over 48 countries, and its classes have won awards. The Relax Kids exercises were used in a project that won the 2011 Nursing Standards Award in the mental health category.

Locally, Claire Gretton delivers Relax Kids school and nursery classes across Staffordshire, Derbyshire and the West Midlands, so families on our side of the border can easily find a class nearby. Visit Relax Kids

MiniMe Mindfulness

Another brilliant local option is MiniMe Mindfulness, which offers mindset coaching for children aged 3 to 11 and supports parents, teachers and schools too. Tessa Hawes founded it in March 2020, and it has grown into an award-winning franchise with CPD-accredited programmes.

The Staffordshire and Derbyshire branch is run by Claire Rushton-Plant, based in Cheadle. Children learn positive mindfulness and mindset “superpowers” to help them feel more love, happiness, resilience, calm, focus and confidence. You’ll find the team running holiday clubs at St Mary’s C of E First School in Uttoxeter, and sessions at Stafford Family Hub on Thursday afternoons. Some holiday places have been free for eligible children through Staffordshire County Council’s HAF funding. Visit MiniMe Mindfulness

Childhood doesn’t need to be filled every minute

There’s so much pressure to give children enriching experiences. Of course we want to teach them new things, take them on exciting adventures and give them opportunities to learn and grow. But sometimes one of the most valuable things we can give them is the total opposite!

A slow afternoon. An empty patch of time. A cardboard box and some pens, a garden and a football, a teddy, a chance to stare at the clouds and find funny shapes. A chance to say “I’m bored” and discover what comes next.

Because childhood isn’t just about everything we put into our children’s lives. It’s also about the quiet spaces we leave empty. And sometimes, after a very big day at school, those empty spaces are exactly what little minds and bodies need.

Let them come home. Let them take a breath. Let them be a little bit bored. Let them play. Let them rest. Let them be themselves. They don’t need to do anything more. They’ve already done enough today, and we love them so much.